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A 30-year-old married guy hears a knock at the door, and as he opens he sees a platoon buddy, which he hasn't seen in 10 years, with a dog. They schmooze, laugh, and tell each other what they are up to, and meanwhile the dog is tearing apart the drapes, messing up the sofa, and breaking the laptop. Before the friend leaves the married guy tells him, "great seeing you, but next time could keep your dog at home?" The friend answers, "It's not my dog. He was lying near the front door when I came, so I thought he was yours".
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One morning a Journalist was on his way to work, when he gets stuck in traffic due to a big accident. He wants to do his job and cover the event. Only, there are too many people gathering all curious. So he decides to take action and goes through the crowd yelling: "let me come through, I'm the victim's son! I'm the victim's son!". Only he felt like a jack ass, when he came closer to the scene and saw that the victim is... A donkey
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A rabbit goes and stands in front of a lion and a pregnant lioness. The rabbit starts screaming at the lioness, "I'm gonna fuck you up the ass, I'm going to rip your ass open, my dick will come out of your mouth!" The lioness becomes angry and says to the lion, "Do something, I'm pregnant and this rabbit is bugging me!" The lion says, "Ah, leave him alone, he's just looking for attention, it's nothing". But the rabbit comes back the next day, and then the following day and every time the same shouts and cusswords. On the forth day the lioness can't stand it anymore and she starts chasing the rabbit. But she gets stuck between two tree trunks, and rabbit comes from behind and tears her a second A-hole. The lioness returns limping, the lion looks at her and says, "Did he pull the trunks bit on you too?"
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A firefighter tells his wife: "I want us to do it like in my firehouse: first whistle we take off our clothes. Second whistle we put on our work clothes. Third whistle we get on the fire car". The wife agrees, so on his first whistle they take off their clothes, on the second they get to bed, and by the third whistle they start having sex. Suddenly during sex the woman blows the whistle. The guy says "What happened?!" She answers, "Flames are getting high, but the hose is too short!"
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One day the lion calls all the animals and tells them that whoever is brave enough to jump off the tallest cliff will get to fuck the lioness. All the animals stand in line on the brink of the cliff. The wolf looks down, gets dizzy and goes back. So does the fox, and the rabbit runs away. Suddenly the big bear jumps down. After a few minutes all the animals take a side trail and get to the bottom where they see the bear's face covered with dirt and sand, there are bad scratch marks all over his body, and some of his fur is torn off. The lion comes to him and says, "Well done, brave bear, now you can shag the lioness" The bear says, "No problem, but first let me find and fuck whoever pushed me down!"
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Dan is walking down the street, when he bumps into his friend George all covered in scratches. He ask him all worried: "what happened to you?" George replied: "today I berried my mother-in-low". "I'm so sorry, but..where did all the scratches come from?" "She resisted a little..." George answers.
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Two college girls were complaining to each other on how a certain professor keeps talking in a dirty language in class, and decided to leave the class if they hear him talk like that again. The next day the same professor said in class that the problem in France is that there's not enough hookers. And as those girls get up to leave he yells to them: "Hey why are you rushing? The next flight to France is only tomorrow night!?!"
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An Arab goes to a respected law firm, trying to get a job. "I graduated from Harvard", he says. "ok", goes the Ceo. "You're in. see this huge office over there? It's yours. See the sexy secretary? She's all yours. See the fancy car? It's yours." the Arab gives a big smile and says all happy: "really?? You gotta be kidding me!" "what do you want?" says the Ceo. "you started it first!"
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A cannibal goes to a special store and notices that an Ashkenazi brain costs a hundred dollars, whereas A Kurd's brain is 300. "why is the Kurd's brain so expensive?" "can you imagine how many Kurds we needed to collect it from to make one dish?" says the seller.
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Three hunters go on a hunting adventure with their dogs and start bragging on how smart their dogs are. The first says: "one day I forgot the bullets at home, so a I let him smell the gun and after one hour he came back with the bullets in his mouth." the second one tells them: "one day I forgot my gun at home so I actually let him smell the bullets and he came back with the right gun!" then the third one shares: "last weekend my wife and I went to the beach and my wife forgot the bottom piece of bathing suit, so I shoved two fingers in her pussy and let my dog smell it. Two hours later, it came back with the neighbor's balls!"
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An old lady arrives to a new senior citizens' home. After sitting down for a while, she starts to lean onto the right a bit. So the staff give put a pillow on her right side. Then, she starts to lean to the left side, and the put another pillow to assist her on that direction too. After half an hour her son calls to check up on her: "so how is your new home, mother?" he asks. "nice..only, they won't let me fart in here!"
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A guy goes to the doctor with a frog on his head. The doctor looks at them and asks: "what can I do to help?" so the frog goes: "can you remove that ugly tumor from down my ass?"...
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