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This Georgian girl goes to a shrink and complains, that she can't stop looking at mirrors to see how beautiful she is all the time. "what? You don't need a shrink then. You need an eye doctor to examine you!" goes the shrink.
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After Jesus goes to heaven he meets a really old guy with a white beard who looks familiar. He says to him: "say, were you a carpenter in your previous life maybe?" the old guy replies: "yes!" "and did you happen to have a son who is not quite yours?" Jesus continues. "yes, how did you know?!? The old man gets excited. "DAADDD!" says Jesus. "Pinocchio!" says the old man..
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A women goes into a fancy museum. Suddenly she sees something strange and decides to call the guide over. "it can't be that you call this art! It's ridiculous and disgusting!" she says. "you are absolutely right. This we simply call a mirror!" he replies honestly...
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A farmer faced a problem: he had this beautiful cow that he wanted to take to a beauty contest, only she was cross-eyed. But then he heard of a way to treat it: you need to stick a pipe into the cow's ass, and blow real hard. After three days of doing that the cow's eyes move apart. So on day one he does like he was told. Day two, he does the same thing. Only day three he gets tired of blowing, so he asks his assistant to do that for him. Only before doing that, the assistant does a strange thing and turns the pipe around before blowing. "why did you do that for?" the farmer asks. "I don't like to do move things from mouth to mouth"...
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Two good friends meet up. One of them is a widow, her husband died due to a heart attack recently. Suddenly, the other girl notices a huge diamond ring on her friend's finger. "what is that?" she asks her friend all surprised. "when my husband died, right in my arms" she starts telling, "the last words he said to me were: Donna, under the mattress there is a lot of money, go get the best stone, ok?"...
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There is a very famous story about former prime minister Ariel Sharon: one day a simple driver was driving in Jerusalem, when suddenly he is stopped by Sharon's bodyguards, and Sharon walks out of the car, takes his time to breathe some fresh air. "can you please get out of my way? The driver asks. " it's ok, just go around me!" Sharon answers back. "but what do you want me to do? Run out of gas?"...
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Michael Jackson is sitting with his wife at the delivery room as she's expecting. As the baby is finally out, he turns to the doctor and asks him: "when do you think I can have sex again?" "I would wait until he's at least 13 years of age..."
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A 25 year old guy in consulting with his dad. "dad look, Me and Kelly have been together for a long time. We want to get married. I wanted to ask you, how much is the cost of a wedding?" "I don't know son", the father says and looks down. "I haven't finished paying yet..."
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A couple goes to the supermarket to buy groceries, and while they're there, the wife disappears on the husband at one point. After looking for her for a little bit, he turns to this beautiful women who is doing her shopping too and says: "excuse me, can you stand here talk to me for a bit?" "why?" she asks. "cause I'm looking for my wife and she tends to show up whenever I get to speak to a beautiful woman like you"...
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An old person comes up to a blond girl and asks her: "if you had to choose, to be beautiful or to be dumb, what would you rather be?" "daaa! Dumb, of course! I mean, don't you know, beauty goes away in time!" she answers proudly...
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A judge is about to give a sentence to the defendant, a Georgian sued by his wife. So he says: "after all the evidence I read, I decided the wife should be given 10,000 dollars." so the Georgian raises his hand: "ok, and can I put a few bucks from my own pocket as well?"
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A beautiful woman is sitting in a train and a young man takes a seat next to her. He notices that she keeps twitching her face. He asks her what's wrong. The beauty answers that she has a bad toothache. The man kisses her on the cheek, saying, "I'm a doctor, that was a special kiss, it will heal your pain". Not even a minute later, an old lady from behind asks him, "I have hemorrhoids up my ass, could you help me?"
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