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A rabbit goes and stands in front of a lion and a pregnant lioness. The rabbit starts screaming at the lioness, "I'm gonna fuck you up the ass, I'm going to rip your ass open, my dick will come out of your mouth!" The lioness becomes angry and says to the lion, "Do something, I'm pregnant and this rabbit is bugging me!" The lion says, "Ah, leave him alone, he's just looking for attention, it's nothing". But the rabbit comes back the next day, and then the following day and every time the same shouts and cusswords. On the forth day the lioness can't stand it anymore and she starts chasing the rabbit. But she gets stuck between two tree trunks, and rabbit comes from behind and tears her a second A-hole. The lioness returns limping, the lion looks at her and says, "Did he pull the trunks bit on you too?"
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A firefighter tells his wife: "I want us to do it like in my firehouse: first whistle we take off our clothes. Second whistle we put on our work clothes. Third whistle we get on the fire car". The wife agrees, so on his first whistle they take off their clothes, on the second they get to bed, and by the third whistle they start having sex. Suddenly during sex the woman blows the whistle. The guy says "What happened?!" She answers, "Flames are getting high, but the hose is too short!"
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Two college girls were complaining to each other on how a certain professor keeps talking in a dirty language in class, and decided to leave the class if they hear him talk like that again. The next day the same professor said in class that the problem in France is that there's not enough hookers. And as those girls get up to leave he yells to them: "Hey why are you rushing? The next flight to France is only tomorrow night!?!"
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Three hunters go on a hunting adventure with their dogs and start bragging on how smart their dogs are. The first says: "one day I forgot the bullets at home, so a I let him smell the gun and after one hour he came back with the bullets in his mouth." the second one tells them: "one day I forgot my gun at home so I actually let him smell the bullets and he came back with the right gun!" then the third one shares: "last weekend my wife and I went to the beach and my wife forgot the bottom piece of bathing suit, so I shoved two fingers in her pussy and let my dog smell it. Two hours later, it came back with the neighbor's balls!"
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A guy goes to the doctor with a frog on his head. The doctor looks at them and asks: "what can I do to help?" so the frog goes: "can you remove that ugly tumor from down my ass?"...
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A guy walks this girl home after a nice first date. All of a sudden, as they stand leaning outside of her house he says: "would you blow me tonight?" the girl, tried to explain that she is looking for something serious and that it is too early for that. He doesn't wanna hear it and they argue for three hours. Suddenly her sister shows up at the window and says: "listen, Dad said that if you don't blow him, I'll blow him, or we'll ask the neighbor to blow him. Only would he get his back away from the intercom and let us sleep already!"
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A wife tells her hubby, "From now on, every time you want to have sex, pull my right nipple and we'll do it, and if return home tired from work, pull my left one, and we'll go to sleep. The husband suggests another idea: "every time you feel like having sex, pull my dick once. If you don't feel like it, pull my dick 100 times".
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A farmer gets up early in the morning and goes to milk the cow. He tries to milk her, but she kicks him straight in the balls. After the pain eases, he tie her leg to a Post, tries to milk her again and gets another kick. This time he's really angry and ties her second leg. But the story repeats itself until he ties all her legs. But then he has to take a leak, so he stands behind her and pulls out his dick, exactly when his wife walks in. Now go explain that's only a coincidence...
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A guy goes to a doctor and tells him he has this problem but everybody keeps laughing at him. The doctor says, "Look I'm 55, I've seen every thing, I don't think there's any problem that I would laugh about". The guy is reluctant but finally says, "One of my balls is small and the other is big". The doc says "well let's see them". The guy opens his zipper when a huge ball hangs down and almost reaches the floor. The doctor looks at it, can't hold it, and starts laughing like crazy, rolling on the floor. The guy says, "See? Now I'm not going to show you the big one".
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A very attractive woman goes to a gynecologist and says she has some pains. The doc says he needs to take her temperature and asks her to take off her clothes, lie down, and spread her legs. She does it than yells, "Doctor, that's not my anus". The doc says, "I know, that's not the thermometer either!"
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Phil wants to hang a picture in his bedroom that will be just across from his bed so he could see it when he goes to bed. He drills in the wall when suddenly he hears horrible screams from the neighbor's side. Phil sends his son to see what happened. The kid comes back and says, "Dad, I have 2 things to tell you". The father says, "Well?" The son says, "You drilled right into the neighbor's ass through his dick". The father says, "Oh, God, what's the other thing?" "You broke ma's teeth".
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A wife gives her husband a frog for his birthday. The guy is surprised: "What the hell? A frog?!" The woman says, "Don't worry, baby, this is a special frog, try her tonight and see". That night the husband takes the frog to bed and in the middle of the night he wakes up. He feels that his dick is being sucked like he never felt and comes in 30 seconds. The blowjob fest goes on all night, and in the next morning, when the wife goes into the kitchen she sees her husband holding the frog in one hand and a cookbook in the other. The woman says, "Wasn't it good last night?" So the husband says, "I'm teaching the frog how to cook, 'cause you can go packing!"
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