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A 30-year-old married guy hears a knock at the door, and as he opens he sees a platoon buddy, which he hasn't seen in 10 years, with a dog. They schmooze, laugh, and tell each other what they are up to, and meanwhile the dog is tearing apart the drapes, messing up the sofa, and breaking the laptop. Before the friend leaves the married guy tells him, "great seeing you, but next time could keep your dog at home?" The friend answers, "It's not my dog. He was lying near the front door when I came, so I thought he was yours".
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One morning a Journalist was on his way to work, when he gets stuck in traffic due to a big accident. He wants to do his job and cover the event. Only, there are too many people gathering all curious. So he decides to take action and goes through the crowd yelling: "let me come through, I'm the victim's son! I'm the victim's son!". Only he felt like a jack ass, when he came closer to the scene and saw that the victim is... A donkey
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One day the lion calls all the animals and tells them that whoever is brave enough to jump off the tallest cliff will get to fuck the lioness. All the animals stand in line on the brink of the cliff. The wolf looks down, gets dizzy and goes back. So does the fox, and the rabbit runs away. Suddenly the big bear jumps down. After a few minutes all the animals take a side trail and get to the bottom where they see the bear's face covered with dirt and sand, there are bad scratch marks all over his body, and some of his fur is torn off. The lion comes to him and says, "Well done, brave bear, now you can shag the lioness" The bear says, "No problem, but first let me find and fuck whoever pushed me down!"
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Two guys walk out of a bar completely wasted. After a while they find themselves in a big forest by mistake. Suddenly a lion shows up and starts chasing them. One climbs up on a tree, and the other runs around the tree. The one from above yells to his friend: "what are you doing?! It will catch you!!" but the drunk dude from the ground shouts back at him: "don't worry! I am already way ahead, in like, many rounds!"..
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A drunkard drives his car into a tree. The cops ask him what happened. He replies that a cow was standing in the middle of the road. "So why didn't you run her down?" "Believe me, I tried, but it ran into the woods".
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A guy is sitting on a bench in the park with his dog, having a shoe box between them and a chess board on top of it. Soon a crowd starts to gather looking at this amazing thing, a dog playing chess. "wow!" some guy yells at him. "what a smart dog you have!" "why smart?" the guy hears and answers back. "it's already 3:2 in MY favor!"
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A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the forest. The bear asks the rabbit, "Say, when you're taking a dump does it bother you that shit smears all over your fur?" The rabbit says "nope". So the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass with him.
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A crazy dude walks down the street with a tiger. Causing a big mess, an officer is called to the scene. He asks the guy: "what are you doing?", and the dude says: "I'm just taking him to the zoo." "we'll, ok!" the officer says and lets him of the hook. Only a day later, he meets him again. "didn't you say you were taking him to the zoo?" the officer asks. "well I did, and today we are going to the theatre!"...
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A guy goes into a restaurant and yells: "who's Pincher is the one outside, killing my dog??" so this one old lady gets up and says: "what kind of dog do you have?" "a Labrador" he answers. "so yours is much bigger, it's impossible that my Pincher will attack your dog". The old lady says. "but he is stuck in my dog's throat so now he can't breathe!"...
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A parrot sees a rabbit running in the forest all covered with blood and asks him what happened. The rabbit says "The big bear used me as a tampon". The parrot starts laughing, and the insulted rabbit walks away. A day later the rabbit is bloody again the parrot laughs. On the third day they meet and this time the parrot is smeared with blood and rabbit is all clean. The parrot tells him, "You're the mother fucker who told the bear it'll be more fun for her with feathers?"
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A millionaire comes in to one of the hospitals in the country in order to donate some money. Suddenly he notices a Georgian lying down on a bed with just one sock. So he asks one of the nurses, where the hell is his other sock and she replies: "well what do you think we used for anesthesia??"
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Millions of years ago a dinosaur came to his wife one morning and wanted to have sex. She said no way because she has a terrible headache. The same happened the next day, and the day afterward. Until all the dinosaurs became extinct.
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