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A panhandler sees a well-dressed man talking on his cell phone, so he comes up to him and stretches his hand. The man looks at him and says, "Sorry, but I don't just hand out money on the street". The panhandler replies, "What do you want me to do, open an office?"
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An old person comes up to a blond girl and asks her: "if you had to choose, to be beautiful or to be dumb, what would you rather be?" "daaa! Dumb, of course! I mean, don't you know, beauty goes away in time!" she answers proudly...
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A child comes to school crying his eyes out. His teacher asks him why is he crying. The kid says his father slipped over a banana peel. The teacher wonders, "But why are you crying, that's actually funny!" The kid answers, "At first I thought so too".
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A study was published in the newspaper, showing that female hormones were found in alcohol. Warning: Anyone who drinks alcohol can't drive and talks nonsense.
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An old lady gets on the bus but has no money to pay the driver. So he lets her pay with an egg. One egg per ride. This goes on for a few days, until one day she gets on with a chicken. "What is that?" The driver asks. "this? It's a month-free card!"...
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A cops stops this driver just for a rutine check. He is pleased to see everything is A ok only then he notices, the driver is not wearing the safety belt. "why?" he asks. "well what do you want? Why do I need it? The pants look good on me as it is!"...
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a newlywed couple are in their honeymoon. One day as they come back from the beach a beautiful woman turns to the husband, blinks at him and says : "hi sweetie! How are you?".. "who is that women? Where do you know her from?" the wife asks. "give me a break", he says "it will be hard enough to explain to her you the hell you are tomorrow!"...
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A teacher is asking her students who were Mozart and Beethoven. All of them raise their hands, and the pleased teacher points at one of them. The student answers, "They're the ones who made ringtones!"
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A policeman pulls over a driver who didn't stop at a stop sign. He asks him whether he didn't see the sign. "I saw the sign. The problem is I didn't see you!"
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5 blonds get stuck in an elevator together. Each one then tries to do something: scream, kick the door, press buttons.. When nothing happens one suggests: "let's scream together. Then they'll hear us!" so all five start screaming: "together! together!"...
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Psychos think they're building worlds in the air, psychopaths think they live in those worlds, and psychiatrists tax them for living.
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A guy goes up to a fat man on the street and asks him whether he knows how many calories are there in a banana. The fat man says he doesn't know. The guy says, "No problem! I'll just ask another ape!"
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